Children Don't Smoke
by Mangoesaregood8
Summary: Sebastian and Joseph realize that they need to go to the grocery store to pick up a few things. When they get there, Sebastian decides that he wants to ride around the store in the shopping cart, which prompts Joseph to treat him like a child for the rest of the day.


Sebastian was going through his refrigerator, looking for something to eat. He'd been staying late and going in to the office early for the past two weeks, and had been choosing to eat out, because he was far too tired to try to cook when he returned home. He also hadn't been to the grocery store in a while, so there wasn't anything fresh, and most everything had already gone bad and had been thrown out.

"Hey Joseph?" Sebastian called over his shoulder. "When was the last time we went grocery shopping?"

Joseph appeared in the doorway. "I'm not sure. I think it was a month ago. I know it's been awhile. We've been so caught up with work that we haven't been able to go. I put a list together of the things we need if you want to go today."

Sebastian nodded. "Yeah. I'm starving and I don't think I can handle fast food for another day."

"It's not good for you. Even if you can't eat at home, you really ought to eat healthier," Joseph said.

"Yeah, yeah," Sebastian said with a dismissive wave of his hand. "I know, everything that I do is bad for me. When will you be ready to go?"

Joseph looked at his watch. "In five minutes? I need to brush my teeth and put on my shoes."

Sebastian rolled his eyes. "You already brushed your teeth this morning. What did you do? Down a bag of candy or something?" Sebastian couldn't imagine doing anything that could dirty someone's teeth that fast, save for eating a ridiculous amount of candy or smoking.

"No, I didn't. You know how I feel about oral hygiene. It's important. You'd do well to listen to me."

"I brush my teeth twice a day. What more do you want me to do?"

"You know, going to the dentist every once in a while wouldn't kill you."

"I'm not going to the damn dentist Joseph."

Joseph held up his hands defensively. "If you say so. Well, I'm going to go brush my teeth. I'll meet you in the car. Did you want me to drive?"

Sebastian shook his head. "I can drive." He walked past Joseph to his room to put on a pair of pants. He grabbed his keys, phone, and his wallet and put on his shoes before going back downstairs to meet Joseph in the car.

Sebastian didn't have to wait long. Joseph was in the car only seconds after he was.

"Did you remember the list?" Sebastian asked. "I'm not turning around to go back and get it once I leave."

Joseph checked his pockets and pulled out the neatly folded list. "Yes, it's right here." He looked over it quickly. "I think I wrote down everything that we need."

"If not, we can just pick up anything else that we want." Sebastian started the car and pulled out onto the road.

"Sounds good to me." Joseph buckled his seat belt quickly and leaned back against the seat.

"Do you think we could stop by the liquor store on the way home? I need to pick up another bottle of-"

"Oh no. You don't need to pick up anything." Joseph frowned, knowing that it was lost on Sebastian.

Sebastian sighed heavily. "I'm only going to pick up one bottle of whiskey. I'm almost out and I don't think you want to see what happens when I do run out."

"It wouldn't be that bad if you'd cut down on your drinking."

Sebastian gritted his teeth. "I have cut down on my drinking thanks to you."

Joseph stayed silent. He didn't want to anger Sebastian too much since he was driving.

They rode in silence the rest of the way to the grocery store. By the time Sebastian had pulled in to the parking lot, he had calmed down considerably.

Both detectives got out of the car.

"I'll go get the cart," Joseph announced.

"Alright. I'll be in in a minute." Sebastian pulled his carton of cigarettes out.

"Really Sebastian? You can't wait until we get home?" Joseph asked.

Sebastian sighed and put the cigarette back in the carton. "Fine, but make this quick."

"You know I don't plan on spending all day in the grocery store."

Sebastian followed Joseph to the entrance and as Joseph grabbed the cart, an idea formed in Sebastian's head.

"Hey Joseph. You think you could give me a ride?" Sebastian asked, gesturing towards the cart.

"What? Sebastian, you're an adult. I'm not pushing you." Joseph pushed his glasses further up on his nose and pulled out his list.

Now Sebastian was curious. At first he was just joking about the cart ride, but now he really wanted to see if he could get Joseph to push him.

"Come on, Joseph. It'll be fun."

"Yeah, for you. Not for me. Besides, you're too heavy. I won't be able to push you for long. That and you'll take up too much space in the cart."

"You could just put everything on top of me. I wouldn't mind."

Joseph sighed, running a hand through his hair. "You're serious, aren't you?"

"I wasn't before, but I am now. Come on Joseph."

Joseph deliberated for a second before finally giving in. "Fine… Hurry up and get in. But I'm not helping you get out."

Sebastian smirked to himself and climbed into the cart. He quickly found out that he wasn't nearly as flexible as he remembered and had quite a bit of difficulty getting in. Once he was in the cart, he situated himself so that he could get as comfortable as possible. It was cramped, and not very comfortable. He knew that his legs would be protesting their confines before long. He also knew that Joseph wouldn't let him hang his legs over the edge.

Joseph shook his head disapprovingly before starting to push the cart. "Jesus Seb! You're heavy."

"No I'm not. You just need to go to the gym more often."

Joseph rolled his eyes and pushed the cart through the aisles to try and get their shopping down as quickly as possible. He grabbed each of the things on their list and dumped them unceremoniously into Sebastian's lap.

"Hey, watch it! You're going to get yogurt on my pants." Sebastian caught the containers of yogurt and stacked them by his feet.

"And you can tell people what the stain is," Joseph said. He moved further down the refrigerated aisle and grabbed a gallon of milk.

"So I'll tell people that you did it," Sebastian said with a smirk.

Joseph coughed and felt his entire face turn red. "Just shut up and hold the yogurt. You wouldn't have to worry about mysterious stains on your pants if you weren't acting like a child.

"Eh, it's worth it." Sebastian leaned back in the cart so his head was resting between Joseph's hands.

Joseph pushed the cart towards the checkout lanes and played with Sebastian's hair as he waited for the line to move. Once they were at the conveyer belt, Joseph put their groceries on it, with little help from Sebastian. He paid for the groceries and put them back into Sebastian lap, trying to ignore the strange looks they were getting from the cashier.

Joseph took a moment to make sure that they had everything before pushing the cart out to the car.

"Alright Sebastian, time for you to get out. If you even can get out."

"I can get out just fine." Sebastian moved the bags aside to give him a bit more room and tried to get out. His legs had started to stiffen up from sitting in such an uncomfortable position for such a long time and he was having a bit of trouble.

"Come on Seb, this isn't funny. Just get out so we can go home already."

"I'm trying to Joseph. I think I might be stuck…"

"Sebastian! I told you this was a bad idea."

"Just hold the damn cart down so I don't flip over."

Joseph held on tightly to the cart and after a few minutes of struggling, Sebastian managed to push himself out of the cart.

"That's the last time I'm letting you ride in a cart. You're too old for this." Joseph put the cart away and climbed into the driver's seat."

"I'm not old. I'm just seasoned." Sebastian climbed into the passenger's seat and pulled out his carton of cigarettes. He pulled out one and light it.

"Oh no you don't." Joseph reached over and plucked the cigarette out of Sebastian's mouth.

"What the hell? What was that for?" Sebastian asked with a frown.

"If you're going to act like a child today, then I'm going to treat you like one. And children don't smoke."


End file.
